Loopy? Who the hell is Loopy?!?

I was sat there happily watching Eastenders with my Olds.

I was one up on the cat as I had managed to tear the head off his last cuddly mouse.

Happiness...

Anyhow. There was this hammering on the door. My old wandered off muttering under her breath at missing the moaners.

It was the grumpy lump. Hes huge and smells bad. I think he rolls in fibreglass resin instead of proper poo.

I leapt all over him to see if I could mess up his clothes. No chance. He is sooo scruffy that he easily defeated me.

Discovered that he actually had some nice cologne. Pretty sure it was cologne of Corned Beef. He had a whole packet of it in his pocket.

Never smelt a human like that before!

Seems he doesnt like Eastenders. He offered to take me out instead. Good Move - Especially with the sweet smelling pocket!

Turns out the lump gave me a chunk of corned beef each time he stopped and I sat. This one is superb! Usually you can perform all the party tricks and not get anything that good!

He took me home and left.

I was left hoping he would come back again soon!

He came back a few days later!

This time he stank of chicken - as well as resin. Still, you cant have it all.

Turns out he wanted to take me out for a holiday!

I did feel a bit guilty deserting my olds, but hopefully, they will miss me enough to get some nice food in - steaks, whole bbq chickens, even some fish...

We collected two other lumps, Big lump and Little Lump. Neither of them are as big as Grumpy lump, or as er...Grumpy.

They took me here straight away to run and eat chicken.

They decided I had to have them tied to me in case they wandered off and got lost. Stupid lumps dont seem to know I can smell them from half a mile away.

Tea on the way to their den came in a box, with a bottle of milk!

The ice cream was lovely too.

They also had some of the rubbish my olds feed me.

Not sure why they thought I would want to eat that!

In the evening we popped out for a stroll.

Well, I did. Grumpy Lump took this electric scooter thing and forgot the corned beef.

He looked like he was having much too much fun, so I skidded to a stop as he swerved round a parked car.

I got it just right. I pulled his handlebars round, and as he was still tied to me, he sort of flew forward and sort of dived through this hedge into someone's garden.

Im not sure what all those words that they yelled at him meant, but he walked nicely with me for the rest of the way. Well, limped as he hurt his knee.

By 3 am I was bored. He was snoring his head off and shaking the whole bed.

I yelled in his ear and told him all about some foxes that were talking to each other outside in the garden.

He nearly leapt out of bed. Stopped him snoring. He didnt seem very happy about the foxes, but eventually, I convinced him he wasnt going to get any more sleep until he had gone out and investigated.

He was looking a bit panda eyed the next morning.

Him, the younger lumps a bike and I. All in the car dropping them off.

Afterwards he stopped in this carpark and went and got some sausages off a burger van and put them in his pocket.

He took me for a run for a couple of miles to a block of flats.

Not sure about this metal box that takes me up the building.

Smells funny,

The tall one got me this big bowl of water. so I slurped it all over the carpet. That will teach them for hiding the cat in another room and not giving me milk.

On the way back, I met lots of interesting people and a lot more humans.

He wouldnt let me wee on all these posts. Not sure why.

I went as far in front of him as I could, then ran round him and straight behind.

He sort of spun round like a top and straight off the bike.

Hes muttering some more strange words. I wonder if he actually thinks I can understand his whining.

Hes finally seen sense and let me off.

Hes yelling at me. Maybe he doesn't think I can hear him. Strange lump.

He keeps calling me Loopy. Not sure who Loopy is, but my name is Charlie. He isnt very smart.

I suppose I had better let him catch up a bit, before he gets really grumpy.

Well hurry up!

Saw this and thought he had completely blown a gasket and needed some help.

Nope. Hes still breathing - heavily. Must have been someone elses.

Stupid lump has messed up again. We should be next door in the kebab shop.

I can smell sausages!

The sausages were excellent!

These two have packets of pork scratchings.

Well...They did have packets of....

Big lump arrived. Looks like hse doing anti surveillance from 4 lions.

Looks like they got lost, so now we have to run to the shops.

Need to teach them how to run on all fours so they can keep up and not slow me down so much.

They still havent cleared up after my tea. Im simply not going to eat these burger buns.

No good holiday would be anything like complete without overcast skies and sand.

Ive rolled on some seaweed, now Im looking for a sand castle with a dry moat, so I can fix it.

Stupid Big Lump thought he was going to get lost again.

This one is a year old. Im actually 10 months, so we spent ages running and enjoying ourselves, while the lumps got terrified that they were going to get lost again.

Eventually we stopped as they were just getting sooo distraught.

We ended up going here so that Big Lump could go sailing.

All I wanted to do was sample the latest Canadian Goose delicacies.

He did that for nearly an hour.

Left me bored almost to sleep just watching him.

This place seems to have run out of sausages.

I was just starting to like it here.

Seems I shouldnt do this on the washing.

Still...Its raining.

Big Mac for tea tonight. Still gave me stupid buns.

I was sat here drooling over that lovely looking ball....He wouldnt let me go nick it.

He is a pain.

We then went round the big pond in the middle of the park. I trotted, he pedalled on the bike thing.

It was the ducks fault. It shouldn't have flown out and squawked right next to me.

If it hadnt startled me, I wouldnt have jumped into Grumpy Lump and managed to get the rope wrapped round his foot and pedal.

If Grumpy had actually been looking where he was going, he wouldnt have sort of swerved to miss me and slipped his other foot off the pedal.

Had he kept his footing, he wouldn't have fell with a sickening crump into the crossbar.

I did feel sorry for him as he sort of whimpered, discovered he couldnt put his foot down and promptly fell into the pond.

It took him a while to get out and recover enough to start swearing again.

We had left the car in the pub carpark. We stopped there for some more pork scratchings

The silly landlord thought I had weed.

It was only Grumpy Lump leaking duck poo and pond water as he hadnt dried out.

He was still wobbly and talking a bit funny.

Slept well as I had the bed to myself. Seems like he slept on an armchair nursing his sore bits.

He was a bit subdued the next morning. His back got cricked. Wouldnt happen if he slept rolled up properly.

Popped in to see them on the 7th floor this morning. Had a good look out of the window.

Wish I could throw things at that cat down there. It would be surprised.

Im concerned. Hes not his usual self today. Hes muttering about allergies and his nose keeps dripping. Its almost like hes allergic to me lol.

Hes really needs to tie a bit of string to himself and where he wants to go. This is the second time we have been down here.

Make that third now.

Well...I wasnt expecting this!

He microwaved some party sausages until they stank, then hid them all round the garden.

Apparently, this game is called "Find It"

Just as well I can, because he hasnt found any - not that I am complaining.

Another one.

Some humans have pretty overgrown lawns....

Still....Ive just found some more sausages. I like this game!

Never seen a lawn that could actually rust before.

Another sausage!

Owkay...as hes not feeling too good, I will let him sleep for a little while - until Ive eaten all the sausages that is.

Its funny. He sort of whimpers when I jump and land feet first just here....

Er....I think Ive knocked him out.

Oh well...If you cant beat them, you might as well join them. Siesta for me too.

Dont they get noisy when you steal their silly hats.

He does make a good soft mattress when he isnt muttering.

Rockaby Lumpy on the tree top....

I like the Little Lump. He runs round like I do and almost wees on as many trees.

Im going to tie his feet together and tip him over with the lead again - just for the hell of it.

Grumpy Lump is limping this morning. Looks like his foot broke when he fell in the pond.

I think he should go see the vet and get that huge thermometer rammed er...come to think of it, Im not sure they let people go to vets. Not smart enough.

I woke him up at 4.30 and told him that I would still need to go for a nice long walk in the morning.

He muttered. Sounded rude.

I think he got the message. He drove me miles out into the countryside and then let me jump out the window.

Still had the silly bit of string in case he got lost.

He drove, I got to sniff and run.

Excellent!

Well it was excellent until the stupid lump drove through a puddle and splashed it all over me.

I shook it off all over his car.

That will stop him laughing lol.

Hurry up! I want to go back to the pub for some more dog sausages!

If you are very good, I will let you rest your foot and even have a coke - so long as I get some more pork scratchings.

He probably wont manage to find the pub though as it hasnt any string tied on it.

It was nearly dark before he finally managed to find the pub.

Seems all the sausages had gone.

I couldnt sit in my usual spot as this lot had squatted.

There was one in the corner beating some bins with some hammers, another one with a weird looking trumpet, several with string things and this female in the front.....

Grumpy Lump had the nerve to complain about me making too much noise in the middle of the night.

Oi ! All the sausages in the world belong to me!

Big Lump is putting them in sandwiches with breakfast cereal and not giving them to me!

If I knock him over and jump on him, I wonder if I can get them to spit them all out...

Hes almost forgiven.

Grumpy Lump is still whining over his foot, so Ive got these two to take me over here to ogle at some seriously good looking ladies!

Never did understand what these humans see in their almost bald females.

This place is heaven!

Enough trees for both me and Little Lump!

Little Lump is not happy. He ran out of wee before me!

Guess what!

They managed to find the pub again!

The man who runs the place is excellent - even though hes run out of sausages. Now hes found some bacon for me!

Hes eaten a pie. If I kiss him and suck.....

The garden has grown another load of sausages - as well as rust.

The sausages could all appear in a line for me to eat.

Still....Hunting them is fun!

How am I supposed to get up there!

Its over there on that wooden thing.

Got it!

Even on the mudguard..

Oooh! Another one.

Balls! I knocked it down the hole!

COME BACK !

I want them to go get the sausage I dropped, not nick the other ones!

Its Mine!

Im going to roll on that as soooon as he finishes!

Er....I deny it. Someone else ran into the table and jogged the paint out of the tin.

Not sure I like my new stripe. Going to wipe it on Grumpy Lump later.

Hurry Up! Im hungry.

Ive got them trained. I now get a box with just 3 beefburgers in it. No relish, no weeds and none of those bun things.

I wish he would drive slower while Im trying to digest. Each time he brakes I end up on the floor. Pigging Lump.

These lumps are simply too tall.

How am I supposed to see the band when they are all standing around.

Still, I managed to get Grumpy Lump to pick me up.

I suppose another pie is out of the question....?

Hes nearly asleep. Ive checked him. Hes got nothing nice to eat.

Hes bored.

They are still howling down there.

I wonder if I could eat that ear without him noticing....

Stupid Lumps forgot to stop for a kebab on the way home.

Grumpy Lump snored all night again.

Still...Its a glorious morning and I want to go see if theres another lot of sausages, see if I can break into next doors garden to eat their rabbit, chew up some more wood off one of the boats, leave them a present just far enough away from the house that they can smell it, but cant find it...

How do you get one of these to get up when hes really tired?

Kissing him....Licking his nose....

The cats not the only one who sleeps withits eyes open. Silly Lump.

How to get him moving....

I know.....

Aim this end at his head and do this....

Wait for it.....

Now pretend it wasnt me...

Lol he cant smell anything, but he definitely got that!

Someone thumped the door.

I managed to run over him in my haste. That will teach him to ignore me.

Yay! Its my Old!

She smells funny.

Wonder how she knew where I was.

Stupid Old! She still hasnt got a pocket full of meat.

Wonder how I can get Grumpy to explain to her what she should do...

Time to go home. Its been interesting here, but they are all crazy.

 In the last few days, Grumpy Lump has  flown through a hedge, fell in the pond, got lost - lots of times, cant remember anything, and, hes still calling me Loopy!

Wonder if he actually knows anyone called Loopy...